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I will start my story by telling you about my family. I am a 32 year old mother of two girls ages 15 and 11 I have been with my husband for 9 years, he is a very special man that has taken the responsibility to help me raise my girls. 

I have had alot of emotional problems in my life and this is where the story begins.

I found out I was pregnant again, 11 years after the birth of my last daughter, I was very excited. I wrote my husband a little note telling him that he was going to be a daddy, I couldnt wait for him to get home so I took it to his work, we were very excited and so were our children. We went to the doctor to start our pre-natal care and discussed in the doctors office the medicine I have been on, the doctor was quiet for a moment and then told us that there might be a problem with the medicine and the pregnancy and that we might want to think about aborting the pregnancy (I was 6 weeks pregnant) after a few long weeks of research and crying we decided that it would be best if we aborted and tried again. 

I do not belive in abortion but I didnt want my baby to suffer either. My husband made the appointment and we went, when we got to the abortion clinic we were met by people with signs saying "abortion kills" we had already made the toughest decision in our life and now here are these people making it harder. Anyway we go inside, the police have to pat us down to make sure we have no weapons (the abortion doctors gets lots of death threats we were told). We filled out the required paperwork, crying the whole time clutching the little teddy bear that my husband had bought for me that says a prayer to take with us. He couldnt go back with me so here I am lying on this cold metal table sobbing, wondering if I am doing the right thing, well the doctor comes in and starts to work all i can remember is hearing the vacumm start. After it is over the nurse gives me pain pills and sends us on our way. 

A few weeks later I still haven't started bleeding like I was suppose to and still felt pregnant so I took another test and it showed that I was still pregnant, come to find out I was carring twins (the dream of my life) and I just killed one of them! I went immediatley back to my doctor and he sent me to have an ultra sound done. We waited patiently for the results and found out that there might be a problem with this baby also, her little head had a black spot in it. My husband and I talked things over and decided that we were going to keep her, if she made it through the procedure she was meant for us to have. Well months go by and we move back to Tennessee and was sent to Vanderbilt Hospital for ultra sounds almost weekly, the lady that was doing the ultra sound wouldnt even look at me she just got on the phone and called the doctor the doctor came in and told us that we might need to think about aborting the pregancy. (the words I never thought I would hear, I am now hearing them for the second time) 

I started crying knowing that I did not want to go through that again, so I asked the doctor if there were anymore test they could do to tell us the extent of her condition, he scheduled me for an amnio. When the result came back he took myself, my husband, my mother and my husband's sister into this little room and showed us all these ultra sound photos of her head, told us that it was a little girl and that if we didnt abort she would not have a normal life. Not being able to walk, eat, or anything. I really felt like dying at that moment. We go back to my mother's house which was an hour and a half away (the ride was unbearable) I lock myself in a room holding that same teddy bear wondering what I did to our other baby has just taken this one away from us too! I was 22 weeks pregnant now so we had to go the next day to have the abortion. My husband found a clinic in Atlanta 6 hours away, he made our appointment packed the car and we went. When they took me back they told me this would be a two day procedure since I was so far along. They put me to sleep (I really dont know what they did while I was asleep) I woke up and went back to the hotel. The next day I went back when they put me on that cold metal table again I was crying so hard the whole room was shaking, the doctor came in and told me there was no reason to be crying now that my baby was already dead. My heart sank the nurse proceeded to put me to sleep, I woke up with the tube still in my throat and the doctor was still doing the procedure, I remember trying to lift my head so that maybe I could get a glimps of my baby before she was destroyed, the nurse pushed my head back down and told me it would all be over in a few minutes. This was December 21, 2002, it has been over a year now and I think the pain is worse today than it was the day that I lost her. I hope my experience will help someone out there in some way. 

"In Loving Memory of EMILY GRACE mommy loves you still and always"